Anxiety
By Rabbi Debra Orenstein
I spoke to a dear friend, a rabbi, who told me she has been seeing a therapist because of her anxiety over Israel. We are close, so I could be blunt. “I have a question,” I said, “but I think it might add to your anxiety.”
“Tell me anyway,” she said. “I want to know. I’ve probably thought of it already. Were you going to say, ‘Aren’t you anxious about the loss of life in Gaza, too?’ I am. My first concern is for my Jewish family: Israelis who have been kidnapped, displaced, called up to war, and traumatized. But I have anxiety and sorrow for Gazans, too.”
We talked for a bit about that, and then I confessed, “That was actually not what I was going to ask. I was wondering if you are anxious about the United States, too?”
“How could we not be?” came the reply.
There is no shortage of things to be anxious about these days. Terrorism and war? Check. Threats to democracy around the world? Check. Antisemitism? Check. The climate crisis? Check. The welfare of loved ones. Check. I mean it. Literally. Go check on a few of them and then come back to finish reading this column. I’ll wait….
Humor (even a groaner, like my silly joke) can be a good and welcome relief in anxious times. And so can a text or phone call to express caring and check in, “just because.”
However, it’s good to remember that anxiety is not the enemy. In many ways, anxiety is our friend. This friend sounds the alarm to warn us of impending danger, so we won’t get hurt. “Hurry, run away from that sabretooth tiger!” it urged, long ago. Or, “gather your strength and hit that attacker in the elevator with all your might.” Anxiety provides adrenaline for both scenarios.
Unfortunately, our fight-flight-or-freeze response is also activated when there is no immediate threat – or no threat we can do anything about immediately. Today, even and especially among our youth, it’s sadly common to default to a hypervigilant state and to experience near-constant, free-floating anxiety. I am so glad that my friend sought help. I hope that you will, too, if you need it.
Sometimes it seems that if you are not anxious these days, you are simply not paying attention. Here are four strategies for dealing with anxiety – the sometimes helpful and sometimes excessive protector.
DISTRACT – No one can worry about Israel – or anything else – 24/7, and it wouldn’t help us or the situation if we did. Even the world’s great activists and leaders need relief, humor, comfort, and regular, restorative breaks. If you find yourself doom-scrolling, put down the phone and go for a walk in nature.
INTERACT – Especially in times of stress, please don’t go it alone. Come to shul for a Shabbat service, bagel breakfast, or book club. Find ways to connect – live and in person or at least by Zoom, face to face – with people who care about you. Social media is actually not very social. Seek out neighbors, friends, and community. And when you have casual opportunities to interact with other humans (e.g., holding a door open for someone, greeting your bus driver, saying “thank you” to a clerk or cashier), take a few extra seconds to look the person in the eye, smile, and make an authentic connection.
PACT – We are the People of the Covenant. We have a pact with God and with one another, as Jews. You can walk into a synagogue anywhere in the world and be greeted as a brother or sister. You can turn to God anytime, anywhere and expect to be heard, with favor. Rev. Joyce Meyer advises, “Don’t say: ‘I’ve done all I know how to do. I’ve tried everything. Now all I can do is pray.’” Pray first! Meditate often! Connect with the Divine within you and beyond you for sustenance and inspiration.
ACT – In case you didn’t notice, all of the above words end with “ACT.” Act mindfully. Do mitzvot and social action. Don’t forget that you have the power to choose how you will respond to whatever happens. Distract, interact, and make the most of our Pact. Once you nourish yourself in these ways, tune in to what you want and what the world needs from you. Then, act. You will find that action often displaces anxiety. Not always, not permanently, but often – thank God.
I am happy to talk to you about anxieties and your next, best action. Please reach out, if you need me. And remember: in these difficult days, we need one another.